The first moment you give in, your heart races. Blood pressure rises. You feel the beat of your heart in every pulse point throughout your body. You start thinking to yourself, “Is this really what it feels like?”
Looking back, it almost seems unreal at how one moment in time sets you on a path; an unyielding course that cannot be changed, no matter how much you wish and pray it could be.
You are stuck in a rut; a rut that, before you know it, starts determining every aspect of your life. Who your friends are, what others think of you. This moment determines who you are for the rest of your life; what your next choice is.
Before your know it, the moment that started it all is being relived every day, whether you want it to or not. It starts with a little voice in your head, “What if you did this,” it whispers. If listened to, it turns into an emotion. That emotion turns into an addiction. Although, it ultimately leads to my own self-injury, not physically, but spiritually, the few seconds of pleasure are so sweet and so delectable, the carnal experience is almost worth it. And for just a little while, it is.
Lucky for me, I have someone on my side. This “someone” helps me every single day of life. Every single second my heart beats, I know He is with me. And if He isn’t, all it takes is one call and He comes rushing in, no questions asked. Through all the self-indulgent actions and in every self-inflicted wound I commit, He is ever present.
He does not forsake me and He does not leave me alone to battle my demons. He lives with me, in everything I do, whether or not it pleases Him.
This blog will serve as a written manifestation of my thoughts and feelings. I have kept them hidden and stowed away for far too long. It is time to express them, so that I can not only help myself, but hopefully, help another person fight the same war I experience every waking moment.