This Is How I Live.

It’s a feeling you can’t control.  A feeling that starts out as a small flame.  This small flame that soon turns into a blazing desire enrapturing your body.  Feeling out of control, you look for way out….or in.  One of these two choices is easy; almost no effort is needed.  The other takes strength…self discipline.  A strength that is seldom seen in the modern world.  This strength is enviable.  Those who develop it have peace of mind for they know which choice to make; and making it is easy.

This is the strength I lack.  It is something that has to be learned.  I am green with jealousy for those who effortlessly avoid the path of least resistance.  For this path leads to danger, worry, and sadness.  It is a path too commonly traveled.  Not only is it easy to travel on, it also feels amazing.  This feeling is indescribable.  You have no worries.  No responsibilities.  Everything is ok.  Until it isn’t.

Tripping and falling on this path hurts a infintely more than on the other: the righteous path.  For here, you are alone.  No one to help you get up and continue walking.  If you are successful picking yourself back up, the pain of the fall is almost impossible to forget.  It lingers.  Feeding on every worry and doubt from here on out.

It is only until some kind of divine intervention can you make your way to the path of most resistance.  Or at least it seems that way.  Once on the this path, you will find it much more difficult to travel.  Constant hurdles and challenges seeming to impede your progression.  After every obstacle, however, comes a feeling of success; a feeling that surpasses all pain, torture, and pleasure in the past.  It is only on this path that you can free yourself from the chains of regret and ultimately help those behind you.

This is how I live.

This is how I want to live.

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