Looking

Looking around at other people, I see happiness, love, relaxation, peace.

Looking on the inside, I see war, turmoil, stress, instability.

You could say I have a mild form of general anxiety disorder;  there is something to worry about and if that’s inexistent, stress takes its place.  Either way, I am never at peace.

It feels like there is a mass of conflicting emotions in the middle of your chest.  Hate, of course, predominates.  Followed by stress and worry.  It’s not a hate for others specifically, but for existence in general.

There are times in which life seems like it is too hard.  Nothing I ever do will be good enough to get me the job that I want.  I feel like I am failing.

Living with my sister has made me realize I do not want to be handed things.  I want to live on my own and by my own rules.  Doing so at this point in my life would be largely inefficient.  Great, another thing that keeps adding on my anxiety.  

I don’t know how other people do it.  It is so much easier quit and let things occur by themselves, if they ever do at all.

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