In contrast with last Monday, a complete a total fiasco of a day, this weekend was a success.
After getting my exam scores back (97 and 88), I realized I finished the bulk of my studying. So to Tallahassee I drove.
My best friend and his girlfriend live up there, working hard in order to open up his own auction house and her bakery. The drive up wasn’t bad due to the constant anticipation of the weekend ahead.
That night, we went to possibly the best college bar I have ever been to. In fact, I wouldn’t even call it a college bar for fear of the negative connotation the term entails. The food and drinks there are incredibly good (I had the Madso Burger and an alcoholic lemonade thing. Also, I had beer.)
Saturday was a day of heavy drinking. I was 6 beers in at about 11:30 in the morning. My buddy was selling his war stuff at the flea market and I had nothing better to do so I figured why not. By 4, I had a slight hangover consisting of a minor headache. We went out again that night, this time with the plan to have a good ass time. We went to a pizza place they frequent on weekends and back to the same bar as the night before. Once at the bar, I started with a Vodka Cranberry followed by two of the alcoholic lemonade drinks. After that I had two lemon Drops and three shots of Tequila. I think by this time my liver was primed for alcohol since I had been drinking the entire day and so the alcohol was being processed very efficiently; I wasn’t feeling anything. My friend ordered a shot of Jaeger. Somewhere in there, I also had a Shock Top, my favorite beer.
It took me about 2 hours to even start feeling it. At around 12:30-1:00 in the morning, I was there. We started talking about life, families, our future; all while Lorde, Taylor Swift, and throwback Nelly filled the crowded bar.
Throughout the conversation, my friend held his girlfriend, something he doesn’t ordinarily do in public, since he hates PDA, but at that moment it made me realize, even amongst the impending intoxication coursing through the veins and ultimately my brain, I realized how much I wanted to hold someone, or to have someone hold me. I took me all this time, at a bar in a city away from home, to realize how lonely I’ve been feeling all along.
In truth, I’m tired of it. Tired of being by myself and living without anybody else. Years ago there was a realization that I was going to be forever alone and I was complacent with the idea. Little did I know that as a human, I am a social creature, constantly seeking the attentions of others and unable to fight the innate need to have a partner in life.
If it’s supposed to happen, it will happen, right? Maybe that’s just a lie we tell ourselves to make ourselves feel better about being alone. Maybe it’s not. I suppose only time will tell.