The party was more of a get-together. It consisted of me and a friend of mine with about three or four more people I didn’t know. The house was built like one of those houses in a reality TV show where there’s more than one bed per room and some of the bathrooms are shared. The wooden table, host to bottles of vodka and hard liquor, was the hub of conversation. Everyone was sitting and standing around it while they conversed about their lives, jobs, and relationships.
There was a guy there. Sitting at the corner seat. He wasn’t thin, a bit heavier but still attractive. He looked like someone you can snuggle up to. Someone who can wrap his arms around you and you’re enveloped in the presence of another person. A couple of minutes passed and we started talking, nothing too serious.
As the night went on, I noticed there was a mutual attraction between the two of us. He looked good. Very good. He had this confidence about him. He looked at me from across the room and waved me over. I walked over, slowly so as to not trip and fall from my drunken stupor.
“I want to fuck you,” he said.
“What?” I replied. Not sure of what I had just heard. This is the first time anyone had ever said anything like that to me. “Yes,” I continued. At this point, I was really drunk…which would explain my hesitation to answer.
He took my hand, his drink in the other, and led me down the hallway to his room. His roommate was still at the party unaware of what we were going to do.
I woke up, without any memory of what transpired the night before. I knew where I was and who everyone was, but not exactly what happened. I knew I agreed to have sex with someone, that’s not the issue, but I didn’t remember the actual experience. It was my first time having sex and I didn’t remember it. I screwed up.
Immediately, I saw the guy walking around and after some thought I asked him, “What happened last night?”
“We had sex. Don’t worry, dude. It was great. We both had a good time.”
I know I didn’t remember it and I know I totally wanted to have sex with him, it just sucks that I didn’t remember it. Looking at him, though, made me horny. Really horny. I kept wanting to go down on him. It’s all I could think about. My hand kept gravitating towards his dick, but he didn’t want to have sex again.
“We had a good time last night, but not right now.”
“Of course,” I said. At first I thought he was being an ass. But in truth, he wasn’t. He seemed like a nice enough guy. He just wanted to chill. But I felt like the crazy person who falls in love after just one exhibition of affection. I kept thinking about him. Nonstop. I wanted him again. Even though I didn’t remember what happened, I wanted someone to love me again. In one word: obsession.
I looked at my phone, 8:41. A sense of reality hit me like a ton of bricks. The reality I live in is nothing like what I just experienced. Time for another day.